By Riley Fortier, M.Ed.
What is a relationship check in?
A relationship check in is a time that’s scheduled in your busy lives where partners are able to meet and reconnect on a regular and frequent basis.
What are some of the elements?
- Love and appreciation
- Date nights
Love and appreciation
Thank them for all that they do, and remind them how much you love them. Examples:
I really appreciate how I never have to think about whether I have enough gas because you always fill up my tank.
I’ve noticed that when I’m overstimulated, you let me have alone time to regulate. It really makes me feel seen and appreciated by you.
Intimacy is both sexual, and non-sexual behaviors. Examples:
I’m noticing I need more touch/cuddles at the end of the week when I’m really tired.
I’d like some time to reconnect during the middle of the week when we’re both busy, maybe we can schedule s*x on a weekly basis?
Are date nights happening? Are they happening at a frequency that works well for both of you? Examples:
I’d like to be more intentional with having date nights. It doesn’t always have to be something big–I was thinking maybe one stay-at-home date a month and one “go out” date a month?
I want to regularly go to the monthly drag show with you.
(Check out some winter-specific date night ideas HERE)
Depending on the frequency of your relationship check ins, share with each other what your goals are for the next week, month, and year. How can you support each other to achieve these goals?
How have you been supporting your partner? How have they been supporting you? Examples:
What are some ways I can support you during the week?
I was thinking of making coffee in the mornings before you head off to work.
Address how well you each have been communicating with each other, and how you’ve been communicating together. Examples:
I have a hard time communicating my feelings, but I’m working on it. I’m going to think about it and write it all down to have ready to go for our next check in.
I really appreciate how you give me the space to think and feel before we talk.
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